SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS (http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/) PRESENTS... Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA : Round 4 Results A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2 Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting Tournament Fanfic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne (All characters copyright other people, obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that these were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.) -=- AUTHOR'S NOTE : First of all, I know this is being released prematurely. However, we got about a hundred votes in, everybody was winning in landslides, and things had trickled off... and I just know you're all sitting on edge waiting to see what happens next. Here's what happens next. Share and enjoy. I'm proud to wrap this sucker to a close, and I'm very thankful for everybody who participated. I've got big plans for the future, having found a particularly fun little niche to inhabit in the fanfic community, and you can expect future wildness to occur after the posting of Final Round... which is typed, done, and coming soon. I've decided to torture you all by waiting a day or two before posting it. >:) OHOHOHOHO!! ...try not to pee in your pants in anticipation or anything. -=- MATCH 1 : KASUMI vs. MARIO/NARU Virtual pets are everywhere. You'll find them on keychains, on necklaces, on bracelets, hidden in office desk drawers, and so on. They're cute little things that beep you every now and then adorably for food. Pichi, Kasumi's Tamagotchi, was beeping. But since it was on the scale of most grizzly bears and had manifested itself in reality, when it beeped, it wanted to eat something bigger than a stupid loaf of bread. Something the side of Nario, to be specific. Pichi licked its lips, as Mario and Naru did the Boolean Polygon Union method, merging into the weird-assed swordsman known as Nario. Fresh meat for its digital stomach, Pichi thought, although in its head this was translated into 'beep beep beep beep.' Kasumi cheered her tamagotchi on, because Pichi was a big softie really. Pichi tested Nario's bounds, waving his big pixellated arms at Nario, who batted them away with hir sword. "Beat it, you dot matrix freak!" Nario taunted. "We're 3-D and you're not! NYAH!!" Pichi began to cry. ;_; "Oh, no," Kasumi said on a downbeat. "You made him all sad. See? The little skull is flashing." This was unexpected. "Uh..." Nario offered, scratching hir head. "Sorry?" Pichi accepted the apology by biting Nario in half. Before Nario's legs could start to panic, the virtual pet ate those two. It burped digitally, then waddled around, content and fed. [RESULT : KASUMI (92 votes), Mario/Naru (30 votes).] Kasumi cleaned up the little digital puddles of Tamagotchi poo with a pooper scooper. She was a tidy virtual pet keeper. Mario and Naru popped out of one of the larger digital turds, coughing and sputtering. "That was-a hands down the most DISGUSTING thing I've-a ever experienced," Mario said bitterly. MATCH 2 : SAKURA vs. UKYOU The way of the warrior is one of inner peace combined with strength of spirit. It is a noble art worthy of respect, a fine control of power which lends itself to inner harmony. Then there's the 'catfight', which basically involves two pissed off girls clawing at each other and pulling hair and tussling on the ground, which is what Sakura and Ukyou were involved in. The way of the warrior gets tossed on its ear in favor of good old fashioned down and dirty brawling. Both girls had basically forgotten what the fight was about, and now were only concerned with poking each other's eyes out. It wasn't pretty. "Stop it, stop it!" Anita begged, hugging her doll. "Please... can't we all just get along?" "TART!" "TOMBOY!" Anita muttered. "Fine, we do this the direct way," she said, flaring up pink with an aura. She telekenetically yanked Ukyou and Sakura apart, bonked them against the arena floor once or twice to clear their heads, and set them down. Ukyou rubbed her head painfully. "You didn't have to hit so hard, Anita-chan..." "Look, this fight is petty," Anita said. "Look at you two. Like a couple preschoolers! Over what? A misunderstanding and a cheap insult. You're better than that!" "It's true," Sakura nodded. "I've been a real jerk." "Me too!" Ukyou agreed. "Right," Anita smiled. "Now, shake hands, and beat the snot out of each other like civilized people." The two girls shook hands, then started exchanging perfectly acceptable punches, kicks, fireballs and spatula strikes until Ukyou won. [RESULT : UKYOU (66 votes), Sakura (56 votes).] "Ow," Sakura stated for the record. EXHIBITION MATCH 1 : URD vs. SEPHIROTH o/~ Bad Boys Bad Boys, whatchoo gonna do... o/~ [COPS, in HEAVEN. Filmed with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are guilty until proven innocent in a court of law.] [Two officers, cruising in a patrol minivan through Heaven's streets. 8:13pm.] OFFICER MIYUKI : You hit a lot of problems in Heaven, actually. Sometimes you'll get a fistfight over who's a more righteous saint, or if someone took the last bagel at Joe's... yeah, you get some problem elements. But that's what we're here for. OFFICER NATSUMI : Yeah, especially with this tournament in town. There's a lot of tourists, and an atmosphere of violence... it's to be expected. RADIO : One adam 12, one adam 12, possible domestic dispute at apartments at 413 Angel Way, please respond. [The patrol mini pulls up to a townhouse on Angel Way. Officers head upstairs, to Urd's flat, where most of the furniture (and the roof) have been annihilated by attack spells.] OFFICER MIYUKI : Excuse me, what's the probl-- URD : We're going to the MOVIES, dammit! SEPHIROTH : I am a will onto myself. I change for no one. URD : Then your whitehaired butt isn't going out with me! Officer, this pig says he won't go to the movies with me unless I defeat him. I-- SEPHIROTH : The hysterical woman is clearly not thinking. Chocobo races are an official future god of the Planet approved activity and thus she must partake in them. URD : Quit calling yourself that. You're not god, you're a movie of the week! You're a t-shirt, at best! OFFICER NATSUMI : Uh... you're the goddess Urd, right?... URD : That's right. [Officers Miyuki and Natsumi run away, get in their car, and peel out.] OFFICER MIYUKI : Are we out of the blast radius? OFFICER NATSUMI : I think so. OFFICER MIYUKI : [to the camera] You may think that was an act of cowardice, but I'd have to differ. Urd has a past history for this kind of thing. I'd call it more of-- [A TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION rocks the city block. A pillar of smoke slowly rises from the spot where Urd's apartment used to be.] OFFICER MIYUKI : ...an act of self preservation. OFFICER NATSUMI : The paperwork on this one's going to be pretty bad, I think... OFFICER MIYUKI : Who do you think won? [Down the block, a singed Urd drags an unconscious Sephiroth out of the burning building, tosses him into a taxi chariot, and they peel out.] OFFICER NATSUMI : I think that answers your question... [RESULTS : URD (75 votes), Sephiroth (47 votes).] EXHIBITION MATCH 2 : RUMIKO vs. OTOMO The manga artist and the movie director circled each other, one *FOOT* thank you very much Mr. Spellchecker who doesn't catch ridiculous but correctly spelled errors such as these long blades ready to disembowel each other. Thankfully, wiser heads prevailed, as a number of Otaku ran up to intercede, placing themselves between the two. After a few of them accidentally got gutted in surprise, things settled down. "You shouldn't do this!" they proclaimed, in unison, as Otaku are wont to do. "It's wrong. You're both very talented and well loved by us. Why destroy each other over a simple argument?" "They're right," Otomo nodded. "I've been a right bastard. Come on, Rumiko, I'll buy you an Orange Smoothie." "Oooo," Rumiko smiled. "Right," the Otaku smiled. "Now, don't worry. We'll fight this battle for you. LEGIONS HO!!!!" And with that, the thundering herd of otaku all fixed bayonets and, in scores of scores of droves, charged each other on a battlefield. It looked kind of like a scene out of Braveheart; limbs were hacked off, blood was spilled, and fanboys died by the dozen. War cries were uttered, banners with Ranma and Noa Izumi were waved, and smoke filled the air, obscuring most of the horrendous carnage. It was brother against brother, fan against fan, and only the strong would survive. But in the end, the armies of Rumiko had broken through the front. Otomo Otaku lie twitching in pools of their own internal organs. The war was over; the Takahashis had won. [RESULT : RUMIKO (78 votes), Otomo (43 votes)... They should kill each other (1 vote), Not touching that one with a 6.2 light year pole (1 vote).] "What a senseless waste of human life," Rumiko commented, sipping her refreshing beverage from somewhere far away. "Short round," God commented. "Hai, Mr. Jones?" Short Round piped in with. "No, not you. I meant the fighting," the Lord replied. "So... it'll be Ukyou versus Kasumi in the finals, is it?" Belldandy nodded. "That's how it turned out." "Okay... day of rest declared, in my saving grace and wisdom, yadda," God said. "The REAL fun starts day after tomorrow, Bell-chan. Get CNN on the line. We're going global." AND SO, AFTER ROUND FOUR, THE RESULTS ARE : ROUND ONE ROUND TWO ROUND THREE ROUND FOUR FINAL Dan \_Dan_________ Michelangelo / \_Kasumi______ Kasumi \_Kasumi______/ \ P. Toadstool / \_Kasumi______ Popura \_David_______ / \ David / \_Splinter____/ \ Birdie \_Splinter____/ \ Splinter / \__KASUMI C. Jones \_C._Jones____ / M.A.D. / \__C._Jones___ / Kuroko \_Kuroko______/ \ / Kunou / \_Mario/Naru__/ Mizuki \_Mario_______ / Mario / \__Mario/Naru_/ Luigi \_Naru________/ Naru / SD-Sakura \_Nicotine____ Nicotine / \_Evil_Sakura_ Sakura \_Sakura______/ \ L. Raptor / \_Sakura______ Chin \_Vermillion__ / \ Vermillion / \_B.B._Hood___/ \ S. Kensou \_B.B._Hood___/ \ B.B. Hood / \__UKYOU SD-Akuma \_SD-Akuma____ / Athena / \_Ukyou_______ / Anita \_Ukyou_______/ \ / Ukyou / \_Ukyou_______/ Kiyone \_Kiyone______ / Remi / \_Kiyone______/ Mihoshi \_Mihoshi_____/ Devilot / Will Ukyou be able to fight and defeat Kasumi? Will Devilot's master plan FINALLY come to fruition? Will there be a secret Final Boss like there always is in these things? Will the saga that is Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament Beta REALLY come to a complete end? All these questions and more, answered, when THE FINAL ROUND of Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA arrives at a newsgroup, mailing list or website near you.