SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS (http://spoof.maison-otaku.net) PRESENTS... Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA : Round 1 A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2 Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting Tournament Fanfic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne (All characters copyright other people, obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that these were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.) -=- AUTHOR'S NOTE : Here's the format I'm aiming for for these fanfics. Prologue (Already posted, just has setup for the characters) Round 1 (Contains more intermission story, and the fight setups; as well as the voting form so you can pick who you want to win) (pause to collect votes) Round 1 (Contains the actual fights, based on votes Results collected in e-mail, and some extra story afterwards) Round 2 (See Round 1) (pause to collect votes) Round 2 (See Round 1 Results) Results Round 3 (etc...) ...and so on, until the final round (5). Dividing by two each time. NO double knockouts or draws will be done, it'll be a clean division by two every round. That said, enjoy the series, and send in those votes!! Series Archive : http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/tourney [Chapter II, Act I. Heaven.] Far above the plane of mortals, if you can use a term like 'above' to describe an isolated dimensional phenomenon, everybody was hustling and bustling. Most were hustling and bustling in preparation for the upcoming tournament. The word had gotten out; God was retiring and wanted a handful of very strange mortals to slug it out for the prize of being his successor. It was unheard of. It was ridiculous. It was possibly even insane. But since the afterlife is a world of eternal paradise where nothing ever goes wrong and you can have anything you wish for and are always in peace and harmony, any sort of disruption is looked at like a man in the burning desert looks at a 7-11. It was a desperately needed moment of actual trouble. For Skuld, though, it was just another technical challenge. She had wired up security systems throughout the guest quarters, the arena and broadcast station. There had already been a few skirmishes from various blood enemies who didn't quite feel social today, and it was high time there was an automated system to handle these things. Hence, Banpei Enforcer Model 6z. Sleek design. Polished parts. Happy smiles. And the latest in incapacitating weaponry; tazers, ropes, nets, flyswatters, pointed sticks, and so forth. They were here to ensure a good clean fight, in and out of the arena. "Why are they smiling?" Urd asked. "Because they're happy to be doing their jobs," Skuld smiled, in a perfect imitation of the Banpei Enforcer she was tinkering with. "But you painted the smile on. How do you know it's really happy?" "Because I made it that way. I got a bunch of imported Genuine People Personality modules and coded them specifically so it would be a pleasure for them to keep everybody peaceful!" "Ah," Urd ahed. "Weren't those recalled from the market by Sirus Cybernetics?" "Uh... they were?" "Yeah, something about psychological problems." "I'm sure there won't be anything like that. After all, I redesigned them," Skuld said confidently. * "Run! It's getting closer!" David yelped, waving his chainsaw at the advancing spectre of robotic death. It smiled at him. "I would be happy to help you visit our extensive holding area, sir," the robot squeaked cheerfully. Sakura cowered behind David. "Hadoukens do nothing! Chainsaws do nothing! It feels no pain! It can't be reasoned with! And it will not stop!" "Look, robot, I wasn't planning on attacking Vermillion before the show! I was just trying to threaten him a little. Perfectly acceptable. Be a nice robot and go away now, okay?" David asked. "I'm sorry, Dave," the robot responded. "I'm afraid I can't do that." "I'm open to ideas," David told Sakura. Sakura nodded, and semiconfidently walked out from behind David. The robot adjusted, locking its laser sight on her, several pointed sticks at the ready. David gaped. "Hey, watch it! It'll--" Summoning her energy, Sakura lifted one leg, and slid forward along the floor, leaving behind a dark shadow... until she connected with the robot. David's vision turned itself off after the explosion of white light and sound, and the blast of air that knocked him to the ground. A series of attacks that sounded like small explosions chained together, and then... silence. When he regained control over his optic nerve, Sakura was standing over the smoking, dented hull of the security robot, dusting off her hands. For some reason, pink petals floated through the air around her. "Whaaorrt?" he intelligently asked. "Sorry for the surprise," Sakura said, helping David back to his feet. "New technique I learned... I've been keeping it under wraps. It's sort of forbidden in Shotokan." "Uh, why is that?" "It's called the 'Instant Hell Murder'." "Eek." "So you're Dave, huh?" Sakura asked. "David, yes... I don't know WHY that thing chased you too. Sorry to get you into this mess, but, um, thanks for saving my butt, miss...?" "Sakura," she said, shaking his hand. "Sakura Kusanago." From the shadows, a short figure watched. His eyes flared red briefly, before he scampered away. * Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, a great lamenting of loss was occurring. "Bummer!" Michelangelo complained. "They don't got any pizza in these things. How am I supposed to get fed, dude?" Mario shrugged. "You gotta me. Momma mia, I'm a gonna have to try cooking my own pizza and meatballs if I'm gonna survive in this place!" Remi ignored the two, for the most part. She was busy contemplating things. God. GOD had started this tournament. And what's more, the winner would be god by the time it was over. What had she gotten mixed up into? "Are not!" "Are too!" "Are not!" "Are TOO!" Of course, the situation didn't worry her partner in the slightest. Popura fit in nicely with the happy atmosphere of heaven and was having a ball. Except when that weird Devilot kid dared to suggest she was cuter than Popura. "Look, I have pretty blonde hair and a little gold crown and a nice dress!" Devilot said, posing adorably. "Beat THAT." "I have a heart wand and a pretty uniform!" "Well, I've got a nicer laugh. OHOOHHOOHOHHOHOHOOHOO!!" "That's not nice, that's creepy." "Is NOT!" "Is TOO!" "Is NOT!" "SHUUUT UUUUPPP!!!" Remi yelled, slamming her hands down on the table. "Nobody cares!" Both girls looked at Remi, confused. "Isn't anybody concerned about this tournament?" Remi asked. "We're being asked to fight to be a deity! I mean, I thought where I came from was strange, but this tops the cake with icing and sprinkles. Isn't anybody worried?" "No, why?" Devilot asked. "Because... because... ARGH! Nevermind. You wouldn't understand," Remi groaned. "You worry too much, Remi-chan!" Popura giggled. * Elsewhere in paradise, Ukyou was busy cooking. Since they had a day to relax and settle into the place before the fighting started, she figured she'd train a little. For her, training was cooking; she was surprised when the request for an okonomiyaki yattai was actually filled within minutes. She was half joking about it. Experimentally, she asked if she could have some extra spatulas, and they were provided near instantly. When she asked for a pig that could fly and an angel gave it to her she decided that was enough experimenting. The strange little kabuki ninja didn't say much when he came up to the mobile food cart, just pointed to an item on the menu and held up two fingers. Ukyou cooked up both orders while listening to her customers chat. "You remind me a lot of my pupil," Caffeine Nictotine said, pulling at his beard. "What in particular strikes your memory, good monk?" Kunou asked, in between stuffing bits of okonomiyaki into his mouth. "He talked big and loud too. And was just as overconfident," Nicotine giggled. "Mock not Tatewaki Kunou, or you will land in a pit of vipers from his retribution, old man," Kunou warned. "Yeah? You and what vipers?" "Hey, HEY!" Ukyou interrupted. "No fighting, remember? This isn't the place." "Perhaps in the field of battle, then," Kunou said, letting go of the grip on his bokken. "If the fates smile upon it, it will be. Until then, old monk." With that, Kunou turned and left. Ukyou barely held in the chuckle from seeing someone had planted a KICK ME sign on his back, then released it when her sempai was carefully out of ear range. "How'd you do that?" she asked the monk. "I didn't even see you move!" "Me? I didn't do that," Nicotine shrugged. "But if you didn't, then who..." Kuroko the kabuki stage hand was nowhere to be found, but he had left some yen on the yattai for his food. * One of the many fine features of Heaven is that it is a very peaceful place where one can think quietly in a state of harmony. It's well known for this factor, as opposed to its only competition, which is more of the poke-you-in-the-ass-with-a- pitchfork sort of service provider. What they don't mention is that this sort of treatment is not guaranteed EVERYWHERE in Heaven. For instance, the cafeteria was completely unsuitable to Athena; too many short tempered mortals arguing about things and yelling. She needed somewhere she could have a nice moment alone for some training and reflection. So, curiously, she walked six blocks west and two blocks north and turned into the small, inconspicuous unmarked green dome and just happened to find the single most pastoral, peaceful spot in all of the afterlife; the Eden Museum. Since the original Eden was destroyed in something of a blunder on the behalf of God (although he's more willing to shuffle the blame off on his creations), the Eden Museum was only a recreation. If you scraped enough bark off the trees, you'd find plastic. But that was fine for Athena; the atmosphere was still just right for her. Until Sie showed up, at least. "Hey, Athena!" he called out, waving to her as he jogged right through a heavenly garden of flowers, trampling a few in the process. "Funny meeting you here! Amazing coincidence. I didn't ask six people if they had seen where you went and followed the trail, honest. So, how about that date?" Athena sighed. "Not now, Sie. I'm having a moment of introspection on the subject of the origin of my familiar memories in regards to here." "A what of what in what to what?" "Do you like it here, Sie?" she asked. Her partner was a nice boy, really, and very goodhearted. Just a little slow sometimes in the thought department. Fortunately, the 20 Questions game usually got things back on track. "Sorta," Sie said, having a seat next to Athena, under an apple tree. "I mean, it's very... heavenly. It needs more arcades, though. But they've got GREAT riceballs! But no skateboard parks, at least, none I can see. And--" "I'm enjoying it here," Athena said. "Quite a bit. It's very homey." "Homey?" "Hard to explain, but I could swear I've BEEN here before," Athena said. "Deja vu, you know? For instance, how did I know to come here, of all places? Nobody told us about it, and I didn't just wander around. It's creepy." "Yeah, but you're alive," Sie noted with awesome powers of observation. "So you couldn't have been here before. Right?" "I think that's how it works. I'll figure out what's going on eventually. Only a matter of time," she smiled. "Exactly! You're pretty smart when you want to be. So, it's a nice forest, we're alone, how about a date?" Sie asked, grinning ear to ear. Athena bonked him. * In the lowest recesses of Heaven, which wasn't very low at all considering this was Heaven but would have to suffice, a bargain of pure evil was being forged in chains of fire and brimstone. "An alliance?" Akuma asked, narrowing his eyes. "YES, PRECISELY," Mizuki the demonically possessed shinto priestess stated. Akuma wished, on the whole, she could speak without that evil ringing tone that could be heard across several city blocks. "LIKELY YOU ARE PLANNING TO FIND WAYS AROUND THESE SECURITY ROBOTS, AS AM I. I AM IN THE FIRST DIVISION, YOU IN THE SECOND. TOGETHER, WE COULD ARRANGE... ACCIDENTS, SO THAT WE FACE EACH OTHER IN THE FINALS..." "And then...?" "THEN WE'LL SEE. BUT THE EASIEST WAY TO GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL SEE IS IF THE OTHERS ARE ELIMINATED..." "I can handle them by myself." "YEAH, RIGHT, SHORTY." Akuma flared up with a red battle aura. The flames, sadly, were only a few feet high, because Akuma was only a few feet high. He had barely restrained himself from disqualification when that Sie Kensou brat had called him a midget earlier today. He was fully prepared to break the pathetic weakling in half, but there were too many robots around to get away with it. His involuntary superdeforming was becoming as large of a problem as he suspected it would. But he WOULD show them all! He would! "I COULD, OF COURSE, RESTORE YOU TO YOUR REGULAR SIZE IF YOU AGREE..." "What?" "IT IS WITHIN MY POWER." "I don't believe you." "CAN YOU RISK NOT TO?" Akuma considered. "ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU NOT PLOT AGAINST ME, AND VICE VERSA. WE ASSIST EACH OTHER. THEN, IN THE FINALS, I WILL RESTORE YOU BEFORE OUR FIGHT. A FAIR DEAL, YES?" "Hmmh," he grunted. * "Hi! My name is Naru! Do you want to play?" Anita looked up at the cutely dressed l'il moppet with expressionless eyes. "Where're you from?" Naru asked, sitting down next to her on the steps leading into the arena. Anita said nothing. "I'm from Scotland," Naru said. "My daddy fights in tournaments. I'm going to be strong one day! I mean, EVEN stronger!" Anita continued to say nothing. "Why doesn't your doll have a head?" Silence. "I have a lot of dolls, but they have heads. Do you want me to give you head?" Puzzled look. "You don't talk much, do you?" Activity. Noise. Reaction. Words which express exactly what did not occur. "I'll talk to you later, then," Naru smiled, hopping to her feet and scampering off. "Stupid humans," Anita commented. One of the security robots, which had been listening quietly, rolled quietly away. * "She's not human," M.A.D. pointed out, setting the joystick down. The light from the video monitor was the only light in his cramped personal quarters; it glared off the pale skin of both occupants, underlighting them spookily. "I'm not sure what she is yet. Possibly part darkstalker, possibly something more; these robots weren't designed for anything more intense in the scanning department." Vermillion nodded. "I had figured as much. Thanks for your assistance. I'm surprised you managed to get manual control of one of those drones... I may have use of your services. Are you for hire?" "Sorry, but pure science knows no commercialism." "Gee, that's a shame," Vermillion giggled. "Here I was prepared to offer a five million dollar grant..." M.A.D. twitched. At least, more than he normally did. "No strings attached," Verm added, the icing on the devil's food cake. "Not a single one." "You'll give me extremely large research grants for any sort of experiment I want to run regardless of how insane the supposed society at large thinks it is??" M.A.D. asked hopefully, eyes bugging out of their sockets. "Certainly," Vermillion smiled. It was not a nice smile. "If you agree to do certain tasks for me. For instance, I could use a peek into the room of one Devilot de Deathsatan..." * The whirling figure of pink blurred, rolling along the ground. Abruptly, he snapped into a crouch, shaking his muscle- laden forearm, fist clenched. "OOSHA!!" Dan taunted. Splinter's whiskers twitched. "THAT is my ultimate taunting technique!" Dan spoke, rising. "With it, I enrage my enemy into making many mistakes, thus enabling an easy defeat. Conquest from within as the weakness shows through! That is how you break a warrior's pride! I, DAN, on a righteous quest of vengeance, have perfected the self taught shotokan--" "You taunt the enemy?" Splinter interrupted. "Yes! I am the MASTER of taunting, undisputed. Nothing stands before Dan without losing emotional control! Then, with iron fists of fury, I shatter the--" The grotesquely mutated rat's head filled Dan's vision, bloodshot eyes glaring down either side of its long nose, penetrating with a gaze of ice into the very core of Dan's soul as the monster's breath, warmed with the fires of hell, flowed into his senses. "Boo," Splinter flatly said. Dan ran into the corner, crying like a little girl. "Mommy, mommy! I'm scaaaaared!!" Splinter sighed. "I have much to teach you, it seems..." * "Wai, look, Kiyone-san!" Mihoshi said, stumbling under the weight of no less than 126 bags of snack cakes. "They had all this great food in those vending machines! And it was all free! We can YAAAAAAAAH!" Kiyone reflexively threw up her hands in defense, as Mihoshi tripped over a sunbeam filtering in through their room's only window. Hostess pastries soared through the air, covering the entire room in sugary sweetness and plastic wrap. "Mihoshi, quit playing around!" Kiyone snarled. "We have a very serious mission to do here!" "Gomen ne, Kiyone-san!" Mihoshi burbled, sniffling. Kiyone sighed. Why. Why, god, WHY did she get saddled with Mihoshi as a partner? No, she probably shouldn't ask; here, he might actually tell her why. Kiyone wasn't sure she'd enjoy the answer. When the invitation had arrived at the Masaki house, Kiyone had fortunately been the one to go fetch the mail. It was addressed to Tenchi and Ryouko, but seemed very unusual... always keen on scanning the mail since she received a thermonuclear bomb addressed to Wasyuu from Stephen Hawking (wishing her good luck in discovering the Grand Unifying Theory of the Universe), she had found out that the scroll came from somewhere outside this dimension. Since all her GP equipment sent reports back to Galaxy Police Headquarters -- further testimony to the level of trust they held in her or lack thereof -- she received orders before she had even reached the door of the house that Mihoshi and herself were to go to the tournament instead and report on any possible criminal activity by higher dimensional lifeforms. "Plenty of criminals here," she thought out loud. "Local ones to the planet, though. Not Galaxy Police territory. I wonder if we should be here at all." "Ano? But we can't go back, right?" Mihoshi asked. "No, we can't..... Because YOU crashed the Yagami!" Mihoshi accused. "It'll be WEEKS before it's fully repaired itself!" "Waaaaaah, I'm sorry! I'll fix it tomor--" "NO! No... no. Let the Yagami repair robots handle it," Kiyone suggested. "Please. Don't make me beg. Let's just concentrate on the fight. Are weapons being allowed? My hand to hand is rusty..." "I think so, Kiyone-san!" "Good. Maybe we'll find some sort of criminal activity later. Won't be a total waste. I doubt this 'God' stuff is for real, anyway." * God yawned, stretching out on the chair he had been given in the box seating of the arena. "Are we ready yet?" he asked. "One moment, sir," Belldandy said, uncupping her hand from the headset microphone. "Skuld-chan? How close is the broadcast system from being ready?... okay... uh-huh... hai. I see. Sir, she says we're basically ready, but they're having a small problem with one of the fighters." "Problem? What?" "It seems one of them, Mr. Birdie, is very enthusiastic about the cameras. So much that he's torn one off the camerabot tripods and is saying things like 'Hi Mom' into it." "Oh, is that all?" God asked. "Hang on, I'll smite him." And with that, the Lord stood, and in his might, summoned a lightning bolt, which zipped down into the bowl of the Arena itself. Somewhere far below, there was a small explosion, and a pained 'Ooooh.' Belldandy smiled. "Skuld-chan? I think we're ready now." -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THE YGGDRASIL SUCCESSIONAL FIGHTING TOURNAMENT : ROUND ONE -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "HIEEEEE!!" Skuld said, beaming into the camera, image projected to the millions of Heaven's prisoner-- err, citizens, who were watching at home on cable. "I'm your Color Commentator, Skuld-chan! Goddess third class limited and organizer of the tournament! Let's go over the rules of how things will be done." Skuld called up a cute graphic she had done, of little superdeformed Banpeis holding up a rules sheet. Unfortunately, due to a bug, it was backwards. She muttered under her breath, and corrected it. 1. Bouts last for ten minutes. Any which go over this limit will be judged by megamis on hand, based on whoever had the upper hand throughout the fight. 2. There will be no draws or double knockouts. Any fights which cannot be determined in the ten minute period will go into overtime; double knockouts will wait until both fighters awaken and can continue. 3. Weapons are allowed of any kind. No animal partners are allowed as weapons; weapons must be non-sapient. 4. Stepping out of the ring and into the shallow watery moat around it counts as a Ring Out, and the opponent in the ring wins. 5. All initial bouts were picked completely at random. Progressive bouts will be organized by victors of previous ones in standard pyramid fashion. 6. The winner after five rounds, the only undefeated fighter, will be the one who becomes the creator and god of all that exists. "Good luck to our fighters! Yaaaaaaaay!" Skuld cheered, doing her best Kermit the Frog impersonation. "Let's go down to the arena, where Urd is with our first contestants!" MATCH 1 : DAN vs. MICHELANGELO Michelangelo was ready for battle. With help from that nice, but somewhat short italian plumber, he had filled up on Pizza Power before the match. He had practiced a little with his sensei, listened to his favorite bodacious surf music, and was emotionally pumped and ready. When his opponent literally rolled into the ring, rising to a standing position with a large forearm extended, he was beginning to wonder if he should have bothered. "I am DAN!" Dan proclaimed. "Dare you face me in combat? TENS have fallen before me! Bear witness to my invincible power!" With that, a sickly pink aura formed around the fighter, flowing along his body, and into one arm. He made a little girly swipe at the air, shouting "GADOUKEN!" and a puffball of energy floated a few feet through the air, before piffling out into nothingness. "Uh... okay," Michelangelo shrugged. "I... AM... *MIGHTY!!!*" Dan screamed, stomping one foot on the ground. "Today you will be broken by my awesome powers of combat! PREPARE YOURSELF!" Michelangelo started a spin on his nunchaku, ready to take this geek on. "My money's on the turtle," Urd commented, munching on some popcorn. "Now now, it's not right to gamble on these things," Belldandy smiled. "Mr. Hibiki! Do well! I believe in you!" "KICK HIS ASS, Greenie!" Urd shouted. MATCH 2 : KASUMI vs. PRINCESS TOADSTOOL The two warriors approached the field of combat, but only after smoothing out their respective dresses. "Hello!" Kasumi greeted, waving politely. "I'm very pleased to meet you." "Gosh, me too!" the Princess giggled. "With all these silly boys around, it's nice to see another proper lady. Say, do you want some tea? I brought a kettle." "Why, yes, that would be lovely!" Kasumi said, stepping over to a kotatsu that was not previously there. The tea was poured. The fighters sat. Refreshing drinks were sipped. Friendly smiles were exchanged. THE BATTLE WAS ON! MATCH 3 : POPURA vs. DAVID David walked around in a slight oval, his chainsaw rattling idly. His opponent was late. He had spent all night getting ready, training with Sakura for a few hours before she had to get some rest. David was used to going without sleep, and kept on going, taking only a bit of a nap before hand. As a result, he was impatiently strung out and exhausted, but he always fought better when desperate. There are a kind of people in this world who only really shine because they have killer Desperation Moves, and David was one of them. A little fairy floated around above his head. He swatted at it idly. Where WAS she? The fairy flitted about, banking left, and hovering ten feet away from David. To his surprise, there was a puff of smoke, and Popura the Magical Girl appeared. "HIEEEEE!!!" Popura greeted, posing with her pink plastic wand. "I'm here to fight you!" "You?" David asked. "But you're just a kid." Popura growled cutely. "Am NOT! I'm a warrior! I can take on the form of any sport or martial art and use it to my advantage, and I throw SPARKLIES!" "Oh," David said, relaxing. "Sparklies I know about. Half the people I'm familiar with fight by throwing around sparklies." He fired up his chainsaw again, giving the diamond-edged mining blade some extra velocity. Popura blinked at the chainsaw. "HEY! You could really hurt someone with that thing!" "Huh? OH! No no, don't worry. For some reason, even if I slash someone up fifteen times with it, they don't get cut," David giggled nervously, one hand behind his head. "Really? Why?" "Uh... I don't honestly know." "If I won't get cut, then I'll beat you easily!" Popura smiled, raising her wand. "Here I come!" David lowered the horror movie prop, ready. MATCH 4 : BIRDIE vs. SPLINTER Splinter sat in the middle of the ring, legs folded. His breathing was deep, as he sought the inner peace he required before he could properly engage in the ancient Art of Fighting. A single lit candle in front of him flickered, reflected in his eyes. Birdie landed in the arena feet first, sending a shock along the ground that could be measured on the Richter Scale. "I BIRDIE!" he said, unravelling a chain manacled to one arm. "I am NUMBAH one!" Splinter looked up. "I will not fight you," he said. Birdie facefaulted. "Why NOT?!" Birdie demanded, rising. "You have not achieved the true state of the warrior. You have many years of training to go before you can reach the state in which it is proper to engage in such activities," Splinter said wisely. "I smell the violence around you but not the purity. Let us join the mind to the body and gaze in to the heart of the candle in meditation, and then I will fight you." Birdie stepped on the candle. "Or we could skip that part," Splinter shrugged, getting to his feet just in time for Birdie to pound him down, double fisted. "You die, mouse!" Birdie laughed. "Birdie stomp!" Splinter rose, unfazed by the blow, and met the man eye to eye by balancing on his tail. "Perhaps," he stated, coldly. MATCH 5 : CASEY JONES vs. M.A.D. The nearby stage hand screamed, running around with flames flickering from every surface he had. "And that, Billy, is what happens when you immoliate someone," M.A.D. told his young pupil. "Invariably, they catch on fire and run around screaming. Again, I have achieved a 100% flawless scientific theory, provable in any experimental situation." "Gosh, Mr. Wizard, I never knew that would happen!" Billy beamed stupidly. "Now, go home and do your homework. Get big and smart, like me!" M.A.D. beamed, before turning one of his mechanical coat- arms into a mallet and slamming Billy skyward, so he could get home faster. "There's a law against sending schoolchildren into orbit, filthy punk," Casey scowled, behind his Jasonesque hockey mask. "Bite me," M.A.D. cheerfully offered. So Casey did. "Oneesama, can I get a coat like that?" Skuld asked. "Please please huh can I?" "Maybe if you're very good," Belldandy smiled. "Oh boy!" MATCH 6 : KUROKO vs. KUNOU Kunou stood, facing the unimpressive stage hand. The fellow looked like no challenge; he wore the traditional black of those who work behind the important people, moving props around and such. Faceless and not very noticeable. He had no weapons, save little red and white flags, which barely counted. "Mayhaps there has been an error?" Kunou asked, leaning on his bokken. "Nay, friend, you do not seem of the caliber I normally face in combat." Kuroko said nothing. "I will endeavor to fight my best, of course. Unless you wish to resign yourself to your fate? There is nothing dishonorable in denying a challenge against me; for I am the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, and a force to be reckoned with." Still, the small man did nothing. "At the very least, you could respond to my inquiries," Kunou requested. So, Kuroko held up the KICK ME sign he had affixed to Kunou's back not twelve hours ago. This sent the kendoist into a rage. "YOU were the one to put that accursed thing on me? I was kicked unmercifully seven times before noticing! How dare you insult the Kunou name so freely?!" Kuroko extended a hand, curling it in a beckoning manner. Tatewaki raised his sword in the classical striking position. "Then fight we shall! PREPARE YOURSELF!" Off on the sidelines, Ukyou was busy warming up for her fight, making offhand remarks to Urd. "I'm worried. Kunou's not exactly a great fighter; didn't you say that Kuroko guy was some kind of hidden warrior where he comes from?" "You bet. Pretty damn powerful, too," Urd said, sipping some sake. "Kunou's toast, then, isn't he?" "Not exactly," Urd said, finger waving. "Skuld told me this is 'First Season' Kunou, whatever that means. Supposedly he's actually a challenge now and not a running gag..." MATCH 7 : MIZUKI vs. MARIO Demon of a dozen aeons, damned one cursed to walk the earth as a force of darkness that purges and annihilates all it touches, the spectre within Mizuki the priestess looked at the cartoony little plumber in amazement. "SURELY THIS IS A JOKE," she boomed. "It issa not a joke," Mario smirked, "And don't-a call me Shirley, darling." Mizuki's grip on her prayer stick tightened, as black fire coursed along the paper's edge without burning it. "PATHETIC. I WILL BE DONE IN LESS THAN A MINUTE WITH THIS... THIS... THING." Nobody noticed the arsenal of small items Mario had hidden behind his back... including a leaf, a feather, and a fire flower. Mizuki charged, summoning her powers... MATCH 8 : LUIGI vs. NARU Naru swing the sword over her head, using all of her little muscles to control the sharp bit of metal which threatened to topple her balance at any minute. "Very good, little girl!" Luigi said, patting her head. "You really know how to use that!" "I'm not a little girl. I'm BIG!" Naru said, trying to make herself look more impressive. "Nothing'll stop me from winning this fight!" "Want some pizza?" Luigi asked, offering a slice. "Wai, wai! Pizza!" Naru cheered, running over to fetch it. Luigi promptly bonked her over the head, laughed, and stalked off, assuming he had won. Naru rose from the ground. And rose. And rose. Luigi slowly looked over his shoulder to see the toddler, balanced on the end of her sword, glowing yellow with anger. "You're gonna get hurt, mister!!" Naru yelled. Luigi hopped back in surprise, right when Naru launched herself through the air, pressing the attack. "Violent little thing," Urd noted. "She has issues," Belldandy agreed. MATCH 9 : NICOTINE vs... Nicotine tapped a stick against his prayer bowl, incense burning. If the gods were smiling upon him, this would go well. Of course, He WAS up there in the highest seat, and was probably smiling, so Nicotine felt confident of his victory. If only he knew what his opponent was. There were some rumors, but someone had gone and erased all records of who he'd be fighting. It was unexplainable. Hopefully the mystery guest wouldn't keep him waiting; his arthritis was acting up, and he was hoping for some sake and a good lie down somewhere after this. "OOOHHOHOOHOHOOOHHOOHOHOHHOOOO!!!" A horrible little voice rang out. In a flash of purple light, Devilot, the adorable little girl of evil appeared. Next to her was some sort of box, covered by a red cloth. "Oh. My opponent?" Nicotine asked. "Great. I'll warn you, I really don't mind hitting little girls." "Not me, not me! OHOHOHOOHOO!" Devilot laughed into the back of her hand. "I have something super special in store for you! Prepare to face my ultimate android creation..." With that, she motioned for one of her two Goons to take off the cloth. The other one used his axe to slice open the box, and inside was... "Wai! Wai! Waaaaai!" the Superdeformed Sakura Android cheered, hopping up and down. On the sidelines, Sakura facefaulted in mid kata. "Wha? WHAAA?! What is THAT?!" "You forget, I was in that tournament with you, Sakura dearie!" Devilot laughed. "I collected data on you and all the other fighters. Meet your ultimate android nemesis! SD-SAKURA! KILL!" "It's supposed to kill me, not her," Nicotine said, getting between the two sailor suited warriors. "Terribly sorry. You'll have to leave the girl out of it." "Foo," Devilot complained, stamping her little foot. "I was hoping the roster would pair them... but don't worry! My creation will make short work of you, ji-san! Dr. Stein, Jigouki, away to safer distances!" The two goons loaded Devilot into a gilded throne, and carried it off to the sidelines. "Kick the crud out of it, Nicotine!" Sakura yelled. "I hate people who clone me without permission!... shimatta! I'm late for my fight!" With a cartoonish ZOOM, she was off. Nicotine swing his staff around, glaring at the robot. The robot blinked cutely, and tightened its wristguards. "Not a problem," the monk smiled. This would be an interesting fight. The android's eyes glowed red, as it powered up. MATCH 10 : SAKURA vs. LORD RAPTOR Lord Raptor took advantage of the time before the fight to set up some amplifiers and entertain the crowd. For some reason, they were throwing things at him. Not that he minded; it would take more than tomatoes, popcorn, the occasional Juji Fruit or thirty pound steel-forged doubleheaded throwing axe to stop him from exercising his muse. He was very disappointed when his speakers were cut off. Violently disappointed. Sakura grinned up from where she had slashed the wires with a handy pocket knife. "We're here to fight, not try to deafen each other, bonehead." "Last six guys who called me that died, missie," Raptor sneered, licking his tounge along all his teeth. "Bonehead, bonehead, boneheadbonehead bone HEAD!" Sakura taunted, giggling as she pointed at the zombie. Raptor rolled up his no-sleeves. "That tears it. You're gonna meet your maker, you little brat." "You can't fool me with that cheap makeup. Everybody knows there's no such thing as REAL zombies! Ha ha ha!" That's when he stabbed at her with all of his ribs at once. Sakura blinked, as the bones slid right by her, nicking slightly. Just enough to suggest that if they had been one inch in either direction, she'd be gored right now. "Um," she offered. Then she ran for it. The zombie pursued. "Oneesama, this isn't a fair fight!" Skuld said, tugging on her arm. "You've got to stop them!" "They haven't broken any rules, I'm afraid," Belldandy said. "Nothing we can do." Sakura turned, facing the charging demon. This won't work, she thought. Not unless I use all the power I have... slowly, she built her Ki. MATCH 11 : CHIN GENZAI vs. VERMILLION Chin flopped into the ring, face first. He splatted against the pavement with a meaty thunk. Sie Kensou irritatedly stepped back outside the ring. "You drank too much again, sensei! But you've got to have this fight, so don't come running to me if you lose!" Chin twisted around, and balanced neatly with one foot on his sake jug. "Boy, don't be shilly! Sake makes me SHTRONG!" "Sake makes our expense bills go up! How am I going to afford a date with Athena-chan if you keep drinking like this?" A box of Juji Fruits sailed from the audience, bopping neatly off Sie's head. Chin caught the box and started munching. "Leave sensei alone, baka!" Athena called. "Let him fight, he knows what he's doing!" "Kid's got spunk," Chin commented. He swivelled, perched on the sake gourd, and faced his opponent. Vermillion was dressed in a black trenchcoat. But it wasn't just black; it was BLACK. It was the absence of color. It was so black, that light fell into it, your eyes just slid off it, and if there was a visual representation for absolutely nothing whatsoever, this coat was it. The shiny shotgun in one hand and pistol in the other, however, were not nothing. "You look weird," Chin said, flipping to stand on his head, somehow managing to drink from his gourd in the process. "So I'm told," Vermillion said, quietly. "Was Tim Burton your father?" Chin giggled. A thundering BOOM rang out. Smoke poured from the shotgun, ejected shell landing on the floor at Verm's feet. Chin held the shattered remnants of his sake jug; clay shrapnel and a liquid spill at his own feet. "That was my favorite jug," Chin whined. "You can buy a new one with the medical insurance," Verm said, raising his pistol to finish the job. Chin bounded to his feet, and ran through all the drunken style dodging techniques he knew; he was gonna need 'em. MATCH 12 : SIE KENSOU vs. B.B. HOOD Sie marched off to his ring in the Arena. Che! The old man really went too far sometimes. That gun-guy was dangerous, and here Chin was being irresponsible again! Of course, if Sie said that right to his face, the old man would probably knock him silly. Hrm. He was getting used to the wackiness of this tournament, so when his opponent turned out to be the poster girl for Aryan Youth, in a cute little red dress right out of the Brothers Grimm, he wasn't surprised. "Hello!" she said, waving. Her little doggie yapped cutely; not an animal weapon, Sie had learned, just there to be cute. Same with the butterflies that flapped around her. "Yo," Sie said, loosely waving, with his patented arrogant smirk. "We're gonna fight now!" the girl said. "Wait!" Sie Kensou said, holding up a warning hand. "One second." "Ano?" Popping a fresh rice bun from his sleeve, Sie twirled once, caught the ball, and stuffed it whole into his mouth. Chewing, swallowing, smirking. "NOW we're ready." Ms. Hood pulled a machine gun from her picnic basket. "Goody goody!" With that, she opened fire. MATCH 13 : AKUMA vs. ATHENA The lone figure of evil stood on the platform. The red aura flared around him, spiking occasionally; it was ready, blood pounding in his head, ready to do violence. Ready to slaughter, maim and cripple; to rend asunder. "You're so KAWAAAAAAAII!" Athena giggled, handing Akuma a lollypop. A little sweatdrop appeared behind Akuma's head. This was not going according to plan. "Oh, I love your hair!" Athena said. "It's so pointy and such a happy red color. And where did you get that little black halloween costume? You look scary for sure! I like the beads too. Do you like my costume? I spent a lot of time on it!" "I am going to kill you," Akuma flatly said. "Hai, hai, you nice little boy," Athena said, patting him on the head. "It's good to be confident. Maybe when you grow up, you can be a fighter just like me!" "I am going to tear your body in half and let you bleed to death right here on the floor!" Akuma bellowed, trembling with rage. "Really? Well, good luck to you!" Athena said, hopping back and assuming a fighting stance. "Maybe afterwards I'll get you an ice cream. Would you like that?" Akuma gave up and just threw a fireball at her. The demon in him raged. It raged cutely, but nevertheless, it RAGED. "That boy ain't right," Urd shrugged. MATCH 14 : ANITA vs. UKYOU Ukyou looked around for her opponent. All she saw was a sullen little girl, clutching a doll to her chest, looking very worried. "Excuse me, have you seen... 'Anita' around?" Ukyou asked, checking the note she had written on her hand. The girl pointed to herself. "There's a lot of child abuse in this tournament," Ukyou pondered aloud. "I'll fight," the girl said, very quietly indeed. "Well... I don't want to hurt you," Ukyou said, "So I'll go easy. Is that okay? I don't honestly care about being god, but I have to participate. It's the honorable thing to do." The girl shrugged. Ukyou sized her up; no weapons, except maybe the doll. Definitely no battle stance she had seen. Resolved to hurry up with this, Ukyou stood her ground, waiting for the other girl to make the first move. Anita showed no signs of moving. So Ukyou didn't move. And neither did Anita. "This could take awhile," Urd commented. MATCH 15 : KIYONE vs. REMI "Now remember; the better we do in the tournament, the better for the mission," Kiyone said, giving her partner some last minute instructions. "Mihoshi will do very well, Kiyone-san! You can count on me!" the Blonde said, snapping into a salute. "Good. We've been authorized to use force, but keep your blaster on Heavy Stun," Kiyone reminded her. "We don't need a Public Relations nightmare here." "RIGHT!" Mihoshi cheered, posing. "Off I go!" With that, she jogged off to her ring, only tripping over her own feet twice in the process. Kiyone stepped over the small moat around the nearby ring, and faced her opponent. "Hullo," Remi said, waving. "A witch?" Kiyone asked, blinking. "Wow. I thought they were just in fairy tales." "I'm pretty sure I'm real," Remi said. "About as real as any of this is. Hang on a second, okay? I need to summon my Muse." With that, the little witch took out a violin, crooked it against her neck, and played a short ditty. The notes formed in the air around her, half note, quarter, whole, rest... one of them grew in size, until it plopped down next to her, a blobby thing with a long flag attached. It had a cartoony face, which growled and gnashed its teeth. This was hands down the third strangest thing Kiyone had ever seen. "Uh... what's that?" Kiyone asked. "It's my Muse," Remi said. "He helps me fight. Ready?" "Eh-heh. I'm ready," Kiyone nervously said, pulling out her hand blaster. "Let's go." MATCH 16 : MIHOSHI vs. DEVILOT "Wai! Officer Mihoshi, ready for action!" Mihoshi said, striking a pose upon entering the arena. She had put on her cleanest, spiffiest Galaxy Police uniform, the one that vaguely resembled a drive-in diner's waitress costume. It had a very tall hat. The little girl across the ring from her laughed into the back of her hand. Her two Goons, flanking her on either side, chuckled to themselves. "Oh boy! A Galaxy Police officer!" Devilot giggled. "This will really be a good test of my SECOND masterpiece of science!" "Ano?" Mihoshi asked. "Wai! Science? What'd you make?" "Only... THIS!" Devilot said. There was a blast of purple light, and... It was really big. It was REALLY big. It blocked out the sun. The huge pink mecha, just bristling with plasma cannons and photon torpedoes and rotating barrel chaingun turrets, gleamed in the light. On its chest, the goat's head symbol of the Deathsatan family empire. "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHHOHOOHOOOO!!!" its speakers echoed. "I, Devilot de Deathsatan IXX, will now crush you in a Cyberbot-style mecha of my own design : the SUPER-8 MARK IV!" "Waaaaaah!" Mihoshi yelped, falling flat on her butt. She raised her gun. The monstrosity locked 791 guided missiles on the policewoman. It was not going to be pretty. "Oneesama, can I have one of those?" Skuld asked. "Where would you keep it? The temple is too small." "Uh... right. Foo," Skuld pouted. * God watched, as the sixteen matches took place. It was all going according to plan. What little of a plan he had made. Soon he could ditch this reality and go work on something far more exciting; and one way or another, the humans would have a caretaker to fill his shoes. Munching on a box of Juji Fruits, he watched the spectacle. And lo, it was good. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO CAST THE DECISIVE VOTE THAT CHANGES FATE!!! As is customary in reader-polled tournament fanfic, YOU decide who wins what fights! If you've read this far, you're probably interested in how it turns out, ne? It'll turn out how the majority of readers decide. DON'T DELAY! Mail in this form today! It takes very little of your time, and if everybody who's enjoyed this series so far votes, we'll have a better fanfic for all concerned. When deciding, consider all of the following... * Who conceivably would win, given the strengths of these characters and their abilities? * Who SHOULD win if you had anything to say about it, because they deserve it? * Who would make for a funnier fight later on if they won? What would maximize your entertainment value? * If you can't decide, perhaps you could flip a coin? A couple notes, for when you consider : * Powerful bosses / hidden characters like Mizuki are up against very wacky people here. The rules of drama MOSTLY offset the sheer physical advantage they have, to make things an even fight. Bosses cannot just steamroll into the finals, but have a challenge to face. * Nobody can die. That would not be heavenly. * For no explained reason, being slashed to bits or shot full of holes doesn't instantly kill you. That's just how these things work in fighting games. (Notice no Bushido Bladers in the crew. :) Cut and paste the following form, putting X's in the boxes where appropriate, and mail to the given address. THE DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS IS SEPTEMBER 5th, 1997! After that, no more votes will be accepted, and Round 2 will be tallied, written and in the books. Good luck and may the weirdest one win! (I might decide to go with a shorter voting period so the fanfic gets written faster if I notice that more votes came in earlier in the three- week period than later.) .----------------------------------------------. | ROUND 1 PAIRINGS : | | | | [ ] Dan vs. [ ] Michelangelo | | [ ] Kasumi vs. [ ] Princess Toadstool | | [ ] Popura vs. [ ] David | | [ ] Birdie vs. [ ] Splinter | | [ ] Casey Jones vs. [ ] M.A.D. | | [ ] Kuroko vs. [ ] Kunou | | [ ] Mizuki vs. [ ] Mario | | [ ] Luigi vs. [ ] Naru | | [ ] SD-Sakura vs. [ ] Nicotine | | [ ] Sakura vs. [ ] Lord Raptor | | [ ] Chin Genzai vs. [ ] Vermillion | | [ ] Sie Kensou vs. [ ] B.B. Hood | | [ ] SD-Akuma vs. [ ] Athena Asamiya | | [ ] Anita vs. [ ] Ukyou | | [ ] Kiyone vs. [ ] Remi | | [ ] Mihoshi vs. [ ] Devilot | | | | Comments about the fic series so far : | | ____________________________________________ | | ____________________________________________ | | ____________________________________________ | | | | MAIL TO : twoflowr@glue.umd.edu | | SUBJECT : Tournament Voting Submission | | DEADLINE : September 5th, 1997 | `----------------------------------------------' DO NOT E-MAIL A FORM IF IT IS PAST DEADLINE! Do not e-mail empty forms! Do not e-mail incomplete forms! You'll be wasting my time and yours. Be cool. :) Thank you, and enjoy the rest of Spoof Chase's MAGICAL TROUBLESHOOTING CROSSOVER FIGHTING TOURNAMENT BETA. -Stefan Gagne The scoreboard so far is : ROUND ONE ROUND TWO ROUND THREE ROUND FOUR FINAL Dan \______?______ Michelangelo / \______?______ Kasumi \______?______/ \ P. Toadstool / \_______?_____ Popura \______?______ / \ David / \______?______/ \ Birdie \______?______/ \ Splinter / \____?____ C. Jones \______?______ / M.A.D. / \______?______ / Kuroko \______?______/ \ / Kunou / \______?______/ Mizuki \______?______ / Mario / \______?______/ Luigi \______?______/ Naru / SD-Sakura \______?______ Nicotine / \______?______ Sakura \______?______/ \ L. Raptor / \______?______ Chin \______?______ / \ Vermillion / \______?______/ \ S. Kensou \______?______/ \ B.B. Hood / \____?____ SD-Akuma \______?______ / Athena / \______?______ / Anita \______?______/ \ / Ukyou / \______?______/ Kiyone \______?______ / Remi / \______?______/ Mihoshi \______?______/ Devilot /